Tuesday

Up, up and away!

I think this was Papi's first time on a ski lift.

I heard he had a hard time getting off, something about not lifting his feet.

Haha, and he wasn't even wearing skis.

Who ever thought of sliding down a mountain was brilliant.

Welcome to the Alpine slides.

 Since it's a cool 50 - 60 degree day we sat around the fire and made s'mores.

 Then, of course, on a cold day they would want to go swimming.

 But just in the hot tub.

Tomorrow is BYU.

My kids can't wait for the creamery.

Two Hearts Becoming One

I love this stage of our family right now.  

Kids are old enough to do fun things

but we're not into the teenage years yet.

The adventure of the day was the Timpanogos Cave.

 After 1.5 miles of a steep uphill climb we made it to the top and awaited the tour.

 Of course, the cave didn't disappoint.

With so many cool stalactites and stalagmites to gaze upon the kids discovered a whole new world under the mountain.

 They became true "cavers".

Just a warning if you have small children and decide to take them into a cave,

make sure they use the bathroom before you go in even if it is an outhouse

because if they don't the tour guide will have you hold a bag for them to relieve themselves in.

It's a little messy.

Of all the stalactite formations the favorite was this gigantic 4,000 pound creation.

According to the tragic legend of Timpanogos the hearts of the indian princess Ucanogos and her love, Timpanac, were melted together by the great spirit to form the "heart" of Timpanogos.

Since the hike down was easier than the hike up we stopped and marveled over the miracle of the changing seasons in the Utah mountains.

These fall colors are like candy for your eyes.

It's beautiful!!!

I miss not having an autumn season in AZ.

Thanks Timpanogos for the stories that you've inspired and the nature that you offer us.

Now what will tomorrow's adventure be?

A Coincidence?

So we were sitting in this beautiful place, on a beautiful day waiting to get into conference when AJ saw two missionaries pass by.

"Do you think they know Jordan?"  He asked. 

"I don't know.  Maybe.  Go ask them." I told him.

So off him and DJ ran to ask the Elders if they knew Elder Snell.

 Turns out they did know him!

And they knew where he was.

Jordan had just talked to them minutes earlier.
A coincidence?  I don't think so.

So they led my boys over to Jordan.

 The boys led Jordan to us and Elder Snell and his companion stood in the stand by line with us.

Unfortunately, we only got as far as this lovely building.

 As we watched conference on those hard antique benches I had flashbacks of 25 years ago, watching conference with my dad in that same building.

My kids were disappointed that we didn't make it into conference so they cuddled up on those old wooden benches, and one on the floor, and slept through the entire thing.

It's okay that we didn't make it in because we got to see Jordan.  That was better anyway.

After our teary goodbye, mostly because I was grateful that my boys have such a good example to look up to in Jordan and that they got to see him in all his mission glory, we headed over to the conference center.

This is as close as we got, the roof.  It had a nice view though.

 And this is one of those pictures where you just had to be there.

Papi teaching the kids the leg pop walk.

It had me laughing so hard that my overstretched abs had the best workout they've had in awhile.

 How could you not love this place?

Heaven Questions Answered

Eight months...

We took dinner down to the cemetery to eat with Mikey.

Surprisingly the headstone had been set in.

What a wonderful eight month birthday present!

While we ate the kids talked about where is heaven.

"It's right here with us we just can't see it,"  Isabel cheerfully explained.

"If we have family that have died and we do something good then they can come be with us,"  AJ added.

I love my children. 

They make me happy, all five of them (almost six).

And the Baby Is . . .

Does the picture give it away?

These were our first purchase for this new bundle of joy.

If the pink didn't give you a big enough clue then I guess I'll have to tell you.

It's a girl!!

We've tied it up, 3 boys and 3 girls.

I've got a name picked out.  The kids all love it.  

Papi? . . . not so much.

But until he comes up with a better name that's not some version of his own name she's being called

Stella Rose

Stella was my great grandmother's name and I'm sure Papi has a Rosa somewhere in his family.

The girls are excited.

The boys feel a little cheated.
But they decided she was cool enough to be their baby sister when they saw her flashing peace signs and loser signs in the ultrasound.

True story.

Things That Fly

It began with a short trip to the pet store a couple of months ago.

AJ took one look at those happy, chirping birds and he was in love.

He had to have one.

He begged.

He pleaded.

He finally won over Papi and made it hard for me to say no.

He was very patient as we searched online for a bird cage and a bird, and researched which kind of bird to get.

He wanted a parakeet, a boy, because they're not supposed to have as hard of a bite and there's a better chance of them learning to talk than with the girls.

Luckily, we found someone in Queen Creek who breeds parakeets and budgies.

So finally, today we were able to drive out there and pick out his bird.

But it didn't turn out at all like we expected.

I have one sweet, little boy.

As soon as AJ saw the six little chicks that were left he had his heart set on this little girl.

The breeder explained to us that she was a "special" budgie.

She never grew her tail feathers.

She never grew her wing feathers.

She can't fly.

She has an awkward little walk and a weak bite.

AJ didn't care.  He liked her.

I tried to explain to him that she might have some health issues and may not live as long, kind of like our angel, Mikey.

But he was okay with that. He wanted to help her.

He decided to look at the other healthy chicks that were there but he already had a "special" place in his heart for the "special" budgie.

The breeder let him have her.  He didn't have to pay for her even though he wanted to.

I was proud of him for loving this little birdie and wanting to give her a good life no matter how short it may be.

He was proud that his little bird could be held without flying away and that her bite didn't hurt.

On our way home we were talking about the bird and about Mikey and how sometimes bodies just don't form right.  

We came to a stop light.

I looked out the window and saw a red heart mylar balloon floating in the air directly in front of us. 

It was just like the ones that Mikey had sent to our door step a few months ago.

"Look AJ" I pointed out the balloon.

He smiled. "I think Mikey is telling me that he's happy that I picked her because he wants me to take good care of her."

AJ loves his new bird.  She never left his side until it was time to go to bed.

Little Budgie has found a loving new friend.

DJ's Best Friend

He worked hard all summer.

He saved his money.

He bought his own little mouse

and made sure his little friend had all the mice toys.

This tiny rodent has become DJ's companion no matter where we are; Home Depot, Walmart, Kirklands, Grandma's . . . he will not leave home without her.

I dare say this little mouse has been to more stores than some babies.

He takes her in her little ball, puts her in the front of the shopping cart and lets her roll around while we shop.

And you thought you only disinfected the shopping carts because of chicken contamination.

We decided on a girl since they aren't supposed to be as smelly as boys.

He named her Squeakers.

Funny, because my aunt Kristine called me Squeakers when I was little.

So my parents got an annoying little dog and named it Squeakers.

That way every time she called me Squeakers the dog would come running.

Best advice from the pet store:

Let him play with her in the tub until he learns how to hold her that way if she gets loose she can't get out of the bathtub.  Just make sure you shut the drain so she doesn't run down it.

DJ sat in the bathtub with her for hours the first day he brought her home.

He's definitely a mouse holding professional now and carries her all over the house.

I Miss You Too

"Mom I almost cried today at school because I missed you.....but I was a man and I held it in."

I love you DJ!

Taking One for the Kids

I absolutely love being a mom to my children.

Today is my birthday.

My four little kiddos all woke up early and kept my door shut so I wouldn't hear them in the kitchen.

They were cooking up a big surprise.  

All by themselves they made me breakfast in bed for my birthday.

And they spoiled me with presents that grandma had helped them pick out.

How could I not love them for that?

Then the boys tried to convince me that they should stay home with me for my birthday and not go to school.

We had to compromise on that one.  So I took lunch to them instead.

Getting one year older is not fun.

But watching how excited my kids are for me makes it all worth it.

Perseverance

We must not hope to be mowers,

     And to gather the ripe gold ears,

Unless we have first been sowers

          And watered the furrows with tears.

It is not just as we take it,

            This mystical world of ours,

   Life's field will yield as we make it

               A harvest of thorns or of flowers.

                                  --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I spent Mikey's 7 month birthday by getting to know him a little better.  Sometimes, when I miss him I want to look at his pictures or take a nap with his blanket.  But other times I like to look up information on his condition just to remember exactly why he isn't here with us.

After they told us the devastating news about our baby we immediately did an amniocentesis to look at his chromosomes.  They discovered that he was missing a part of chromosome 11.  Although it was good to know that there was a reason that he didn't have half of his diaphragm it didn't help to fix it.  But the doctors thought it would be good to do another test to find out exactly what parts of chromosome 11 were missing.  They called me with the results of that test a few days after he died.  At that time it hurt too much to listen to their conclusions and they didn't really matter to me because they couldn't save him or bring him back.  But lately I've been wanting to understand it better and today I decided I was finally ready to know more and to cope with the details about those chromosomal abnormalities.  So I called the geneticist.

(This part is kind of technical.  Skip to the asterisks if you don't like sciency stuff.  I mostly just want to document it so I can remember.)

Diagram of Chromosome 11

Mikey had a deletion on chromosome 11 from 11p11.2 - 11p14.3.  WAGR syndrome is caused when there is a deletion around 11p13.  Potocki-Shaffer syndrome happens when there is a deletion around 11p11.2.  Some of the genes he was missing are WT1, which is responsible for the "G" in WAGR syndrome and possibly CDH (congenital diaphragmatic hernia), PAX6 that helps to develop the irises of the eyes and is the "A" in WAGR syndrome, SLC1A2, PRRG4, BDNF, EXT2, mutations or deletions of this gene cause multiple exotoses which are sporadic bone growths, and ALX4.  Of course, with a deletion that large there are other genes that he was missing but these are the ones I found today. His CDH was larger than any that I've been able to find and it was on the right side, which only happens in about 9% of CDH cases.

***************

I was surprised how fun it was to learn more about his physical body and some of the unseen problems he had. Without all those genes it makes me think it was a tender mercy he looked as good as he did when he was born so that his brothers and sisters could enjoy their short time with him and not be distracted by the way he looked.  I still miss him but knowing more about him reassures me that, even though I wanted to, it would have been selfish of me to try and keep him here with us.  We had to let him go.

I'm happy for the knowledge that one day 

the chromosomal deletion will no longer matter.
His little body will be healed. 

None of the genes will be missing.  

He will be perfect.

And after watering the furrows with tears
I will have my harvest of flowers.

I will hold my son.
I will feel his touch, he will know his mother's love.
I will feel his arms around me again. 

That is my reason to persevere.